Why

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I told her the concert date

She says “oh February! That’s my birthday month!”

It’s also the month one of my friends died but I’m not gonna make it all about her am I.

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I smoked a lot of weed this weekend. Mostly blunts. To help ease the boredom of driving alone. 

I just want to keep getting high. no joke I think I’ve given myself slight mental dependency, should probably fix that eventually somehow. Later. Lol

Sunday was such a blissful night. I honestly fell in love during the day.

I smoked a blunt at the beach. I got soaked in the rain. I ordered way too much food for just myself.

I was alone besides meeting up with Lisa and then meeting new people. 

I love some bathrooms during concerts. They’re can be a great place to socialize. So much humanity in a bathroom for real.
The only thing that would make life better right now is getting fucking laiddddd.

Bre is the only person I’ve had sex with this past year, I know she’s fucked probably like 4 or 6 other people I’m sure idk but I’ve also just been becoming more open towards others than I have been.

Maybe I should just be like bre and just hook up with others and nothing else. Monogamy just seems dangerous anymore.

New Fears by Lights really turns me the fuck on. Giants makes me feel on top of the world. Skin and Earth is a really euphoric album. Up We Go is so calming.

Ugh 

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I have been so nice to myself today. I was just searching the closest beach to go to from the tolls in indiana and found “rainbow beach park” and I saw waves and sand again and I was so happy.

Then I went to another beach and smoked a blunt against some dunes, it was so blissful.

I love getting away. It’s all I have. 

I just bought $60 worth of food and tipped the driver $20 and honestly it’s so much food I don’t know what I was thinking 😂😂😂

The dude didn’t even give any silverware or napkins so that’s nice too 😭

I’m ready to get drunk and be around a lot of queers 😁🏳️‍🌈

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Writing a book

It all just feels like a constant work in progress. Like working on it will never change or end. I get so many different ideas

I will always do this for me. What does publishing even mean? I don’t know shit on how to tell people about it and to make it even remotely interesting. some of it is just so personal, why would I even want to?

Tbh I’d definitely rather have complete strangers read before anyone I know.

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If I don’t write, it’s because I’m doing alright

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Sad and alone

Louder Than Life was a lot of fun. The live performances of a lot of bands I saw was awesome. I got really drunk, slept in my car for a few hours and met a new friend and slept at her house for a few more hours and then drove home.

On my way back, I heard the news of what happened in Las Vegas. At a music festival.

I’ve been crying so much. 

It happened at a music festival. I’m attending another one on Friday. 

It’s just so fucked up and unreal.

Donating blood tomorrow. I want to today but I know I shouldn’t with how drunk I was last night. 

I’ve literally told myself so many times how it almost seems that concerts/shows are the main thing keeping me alive anymore. This just really hurts .

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