just got called to go to work early today, i’m just waiting for my dad to come back from a doctors appointment. i’ll probably be there by 4 instead of 5. i was called in yesterday but couldnt because my dad wouldnt take me. fuck the loop bus lol the hours are looking awesome though.

i’m feeling a bit nostalgic today but i know i’ll feel better after work. i just dont understand anythingggg and i miss everythinggggg. its just why. and how. did everything happen. it doesnt make sense sometimes. its crazy bullshit. it wasnt always like that. we used to be so strong, we were a FAMILY and this whole town was ours. everyone knew who we were. it just sucks. i never expected this. never thought it could happen. it was never gonna happen. it does, even beyond understanding. it just does. without explanation. oh well. life goes on. i know. i know i know I KNOW. no matter what, no one will forget the golden years. i know they won’t. they couldn’t.

tomorrow. is halloween. tomorrow will be just another day. i got to work. and i’ll go home and talk with angel like every night. my aunts will probably be drunk. just like every holiday. i miss her. i will every holiday for the rest of my life. theres just something different. and its more than the fact that i’ve gotten older. theres just something missing now. its so empty. and its so painful. and its so unfair. and i hate that they wish i could replace her. maybe they don’t mean to put that on me but thats how i feel. i may be her spitting image but i will never be her. halloween was her favorite holiday. she loved the holidays. and that just makes it so much harder.

UGH. i’m gonna make myself cry. i fucking hate that i know how to do that.

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