i am so fucking mad. okay so here is how my night went
neal called me and asked if i would go help out at dominos cuz it got slammed and of course i did. i winded up staying till close. paul was the closing insider and alex was the closing driver. alex’s car broke down. jorge became the closing driver. but with all the deliveries there were, paul was driving also till close and i ran the store inside. everything was fine BESIDES the fact that this crazy baseball team staying at holiday inn ordered 17 large pies, 15 medium, and 17 two liter cokes, it was okay. thank fucking god amanda stayed and helped too. jesus christ it was ridiculous. not to mention, its hot as fucking hell in the store.
but anyway, i helped, i got out at 12ish.
i drive home, and i get fucking pulled over around 1230. i was doing 45 in a 30 on rt 9d. okay so here’s the thing, 9D, is a REALLY long road. most of it was 40-45. when you cross the bridge going into beacon, it becomes 30. i didnt slow down because i was tired, ive been up since 6am, i just wanted to get home and theres absolutely no cars around. EXCEPT FOR THE DOUCHEBAG WHO DECIDED TO APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE 😡 first time getting pulled over. im calling my dad asap tomorrow. i really wanna plead not guilty. fuck this shit, seriously. like i was doing 45, JUST as it became 30 no lie. FUCK im so mad.
and thats not the main reason im mad. im actually mad over something else. ANGEL.
she didnt tell me she was fucking going to sleep
we were talking earlier, she said “god animals are so expensive” cuz you know she has pets and shit. and i was like “not expensive as having a kid, you might as well throw your life away then” and then she brought up this “i know how expensive babies r n idc. i want one. if u don’t then u better let me no asap cuz if u don’t then we r just wasting our time together. cuz if i sense ne kind of rejection from u to the baby. i would end it then n there.” and i said “i wouldnt reject it” and then she didnt answer me for a while and then finally did to tell me she was in the shower. she never commented on what i said. so then i said “it kind of hurt to know that a baby who doesnt even exist in our lives yet is already more important to you” and “maybe one day in the future, raising a kid could be fun. but honestly, at 19, thats the last thing i want to think about doing” and then she brought up this fucking bullshit like wtf? “u dont know wat its like to feel rejected by ur parents or feel nt wanted u get wat ever u want from ur dad. i will nt have my kid feeling like that” and then i said “you do not have a kid” and then she said “ur point?” and then i said “what are you talking about is my point” and she just says “nm” and that was it.
now she texted me saying her phone was charging. i dont care. im still mad. im tired
i really miss my mom. like i really do. when i got off earlier before, i went to her grave. and it still feels like what the fuck. its not right. i really fucking miss her and it fucking sucks. that shes never fucking coming back. and everytime i think of her i cry. and it fucking sucks. and angel’s being a bitch. and i dont fucking care about her bullshit anymore. im not fucking good for her and i dont fucking care anymore.
i miss my fucking mom. i miss everything about her so much. i wish she was still fucking here. my fucking mom is gone. this is why summer will NEVER be the same for me. i need a vacation. i miss her so much. i hate memories