thinking back to january and february, makes me want to cut myself.
i wont but it really just cuts, punctures me. i’m crying. i dont know what else to do.

two good things i have thought about that was good out of those months was going to new york and seeing my dad for the first time in months. i know i won’t be seeing him again for a very very long time. but even while being in new york, i still remember the hurt i was feeling. and bayside’s killing time album was good too. although that now has nailed memories too.

all i can try to think about, i really try to just be happy with where i am now. and i am so fucking happy meg just cares about me. she really just means the world to me. being out here, its hard for her not to mean that much to me. hanging out with her, she’s like a great friend but way too much more to ever be just one. i’m happy with her company because i know she’s looking out for me, trying to make sure we’re both happy.

and i started crying, because i’m just so fucking happy she doesn’t think i’m insane.
just because she actually believes i’m a normal person.

i really want to talk to her now. i just want to sleep so i can go see her sooner.

i never want to be that miserable again.

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