so i think meg’s been having a problem with me today. we’re not like, fighting, or arguing, but its still there. just not being talked about. and i can’t do that, because she shuts me off and tells me its fine.
i know im not perfect, but i do eventually talk about things that bother me. always.
its kinda happened about 2 or 3 times? maybe more
but just recently, i was going through tumblr. and there was one with this picture image of a pretty cool background but in words it said “young and horny” and i was like ‘haha doesnt this describe me’ and she said ‘yeah’ like right away and told me to reblog it and say that “my girlfriend said i should reblog this because its true” but i told her ‘no because its no one’s business.’ i don’t believe that i’m wrong at all for saying that. BUT it might have been my tone of voice that bothered her? she told me after i said that it’s no one’s business that i need to ‘quit the attitude’. and that i’ve been having it ‘all day’ and i said “what? its true though, its no one’s business right?” she didnt say anything. she walked off. i said i was sorry. i asked if she was okay. she said yes. but obviously shes not
all you gotta do is tell me it was my tone of voice. and be sincere about it. i can respect if you can’t just be straight up right away. but eventually you need to say something. i know im not perfect.
i mean, i understand i really really like her sex, but if thats a problem too then i can stop. the last time was wednesday. she fucks good i wont deny that but i can resist. and shes told me to my face that i couldnt resist her. i can though. she’s mistaken. that shit is such a turn off to me honestly. i can respect/appreciate confidence. but something like that seems different to me.
i went bathing suit shopping the other day because i really dont have a bathing suit and i need one for my birthday and when we were looking at them together, she was like, really serious about me buying a size small. i’m not a size small, im a medium. i did try on the small size pair just for her sake but i was suffocating as i thought i would have. i got a little irritated because of that because of the way she was so convinced i needed a small. so i explained to her and i did say to her “you don’t know my body” and i think that got her upset too. that was never brought up and blew over again to.
earlier, at dominos, she was helping me count money. she helps out a lot lately. and thats nice of her. i thank her every night, several times. she does not need to be doing all she does, shes not getting paid but i guess she wants to so i just let her. but anyway, after she counted money, i wanted to recount to make sure it was good, and she was like, trying to do the calculator while i counted ( i use the calculator to help me count) and i told her stop, because, why cant i just do it? i mean… i didnt need her to do that.
and she walked off. One word. how could i really give that much attitude with one word? i dont know whatever but i apologized for that too. i always say sorry when shes upset. its a habit i have even if i didnt do anything.
i don’t think im doing anything wrong.
she actually wanted me to get a dog the other day. like for real. these people had this dog they wanted to get rid of because it was fucking their place up. and she wants me to have this dog thats fucking these other people’s place up and take care of it still when shes not home. KNOWING i have had 4 cats that fucked up the carpet in every corner in the apartment and the closet in the living room is forever stained of a piss smell.
i’d have to pay an extra $20 on my rent too to have an animal (cat or dog) not to mention. i told her i’d feel more comfortable if she was living with me to help take care of it but shes not living with me till she gets a job first. shes here everyday but tuesdays anyway. and half of mondays and wednesdays. but shes living off me anyway. Not that she hasn’t helped me with a lot of stuff, she definitely has,
shes not mad about it though. she said she understands.
but come on.
i just, honestly, what hurts most, is feeling like shes feeding off me… its the most digusting , and i know it could be worse but i think its because of the fact i feel this almost every time.. like i’m just being used for something.. relationships.. friendships… for things i have that they can use to their advantage because i’m so nice. or just out of it. i’m not very smart i know.. and sooo many people that were close to me, have done this to me… my dad is the only person… even my mom has…
i dont really know what to do.
stop writing before i cry sounds like an idea.