i can’t remember the last time i haven’t dreamed without Jasmine being in it.She appears, every single night.
I just woke up from being with all my old friends though..
just to see her talk and laugh with others was alleviating.
the other night when i saw her, i just stared at her in disbelief and amazement, like how are you here right now
and a night before that she asked me if i was mad at her and i told her no, and it seemed very heavenly.
I’m not sure why she constantly appears but it’s nice.. really nice. like seeing a friend, seeing ALL the kids that i used to associate with. i was never more alive in my life then when we were all together, and i wonder if i’ll ever feel again like i BELONG somewhere, to something. i don’t feel like that here..
i kinda want to move away by 2015.. there’s a place i found decently cheap enough in new york and less than 3 hours away from beacon called Binghamton. there’s a town in Colorado called Colorado Springs that is cheap as hell and is 12 hours away from California and it’s a whole new world to explore over there plus weed is about to be completely legal starting 2014 there. there’s some places cheap by the ocean in Delaware that my ex/friend Aly told me about. which is 5 hours away from beacon (still better than the 12 hours now) and there’s still some decently cheap places near Minneapolis, Minnesota where my girlfriend used to live and she had friends there we could hang out with and that’s new area for me to live at
honestly i just think I’m done with Ohio. I just honestly don’t know how to break it to my manager.. She’s the only one worth any fuck of respect out here i feel like. She’s the only one who makes me feel some sort of needed.
god i don’t know.. i just need friends in my life.. I’m gonna go practice vocabulary now (i write down definitions from books i read that i don’t know lol, gotta keep learning even when life is at a standstill)