hiii wordpress. i’ve been neglectful. what can i say? i’m an asshole, i suck. but hey, today was funny.
went to work and hung out with my co-workers in the sunset through dark for 5 hours. majorly boring yet vastly memorable. i have such a good job. it’s so simple and i’ve got it down to a science. i’m so fortunate to be able to work enough and get paid enough that i can support myself. life is good. i’ve been living alone with just my 3 cats for almost 2 weeks now. i really cannot remember the last time i was ever at so much peace with myself. it can get lonely on my days off but my friend/acquaintance maggie pretty much told me her work schedule and any time she’s not at work i am so cool to just go chill but she’s like 40 minutes away and she doesn’t like, ever make plans and i’m kinda spacious i guess for the most part but i also made 2 new friends on twitter, 1 loves bayside and the other one loves weed and cats. i think one lives like 40 minutes away also and the other is like 20 minutes. i haven’t hung out yet with either one of them in REAL LIFE but it could happen soon. IDK. i try so hard to make friends haha i really do. i feel like i can be socially awkward, i mean i’m usually just like not talkative until i get to know someone. i’ve always been like that but i want to try to be more outgoing. but for the most part i tend to try to get to know someone first before they could get to know me. that’s kinda a strategy i’ve had. but it’s lame and not what i want to be anymore. i want to be someone people like and someone that someone could miss. people need people. i need more friends in my life to feel like my life is more worth it.
i was thinking earlier how moving out to ohio was like the best and stupidest decision i’ve ever made. i mean when i moved out here, i hadn’t hung out with any of my nobody friends in months, no one cared to text or call me, i feel like i might not have bothered either because of that incident with james robbing durkins and getting arrested and that whole mess where i didn’t know who my friends were or who even cared and there was amanda and belinda a lot, i think that whole incident happened either June 2007 or 2008, i don’t fully remember but i think it was 2008. actually i think it was 2009 because i was living at my aunt’s house. my dad picked me up at the police station at sunrise and took me to my aunts and i cried the whole way there and went straight to bed because we were all up all night drinking and i was sobering up and i think everybody hated me because i snitched on James by showing the cops where he lived. because i honestly didnt even fucking know what the fuck was going on or why they were even after us (even though the beer we were drinking was from 4 stolen 30-packs from wal-mart.. by james.. go figure.) and they told me durkins was robbed and asked me who James was and HONESTLY i shouldn’t even have been in that fucking situation so i didn’t care to tell them (but i was with everyone when james robbed wal-mart, and just tagged along in the car, but i was fully aware of this at least and we definitely got away)
i am rambling the fuck on because i’m high and i have no one to talk to. but yeah i came out to ohio and quit weed for 7 months to prove myself to somebody and we winded up hating each other and then becoming friends and now we don’t give a shit about each other. so lovely. then there was meg and brittney and brittney was an awesome friend till i had to ruin it and hit on her but fuck man she loved bayside and was a lesbian, i wanted so bad for us to be meant to be because she was honestly perfect, accurate taste in music, i loved her best friend and she was so smart. but she left me after a month to be with her ex who she winded up breaking up with again permanently and then she became my friend again but all she was was sorry for being so angry and idk she texted me out of nowhere once like i always dreamed she would but that was after she apologized hahaha so idk it just hasn’t been the same. it sucks. she broke my heart. i totally skipped meg but meg was boring as fuck compared to brittney, even though i was with meg for 7 months longer than brittney and probably could’ve stayed even longer if i didn’t fuck that up. meg was illiterate and very yawnful taste in music but she was very outgoing and made friends easily which is probably why she got the neighbor to write “i love cock 25cents” on my car with their finger. he eventually moved out. he was really fat and his apartment looked like they never vacumned. so fuck that guy.
heather hasn’t texted me all day. i’m pretty sure she doesn’t care. i think we’re like still in a relationship or something but idk. i don’t think i care either. it’s nice talking to her because i feel less lonely but if i lost her, she’s not much of a loss. actually it’s quite nice still having a substantial amount of weed from what i originally purchased. it’s nice not feeling stressed over basic chores that need to be done because i am the one who stays on top of them and i know i do them right and it’s my own mess only instead of someone else’s shared.
i absolutely love the feeling reading has given me too. reading Homecoming takes me away from my life while i read. it’s a 402 page book, 10-20 page chapters and i’m halfway done.
my book.. Buy Bull is like, pretty much done.. apparently some of the images i’m trying to use aren’t enough DPI (Dots Per Inch) though.. i want to add pictures to make it just a little bit more interesting and to add memories to it like a scrapbook. none of the pictures i used are with people. they’re of random things. i guess i shouldn’t use the pictures because they’re come out blurry when printed but is it weird that i don’t care? the next step i’m on is to submit it for review and it says when i do this, i’m not allowed to edit it anymore and i have to be 100% sure i’m done SO IT’S A PRETTY BIG STEP.
idk what to expect after that.
okay i think this rant has been long enough i should like stop and read. lol
i do need to get on more. i have many many thoughts to express when i’m stoned.