Caitlyn yelled at me earlier and I’ve been butt hurt all day about it. She raised her voice at me because I guess I got impatient with the puppy. Yeah I’m an impatient person and I said something like the puppy is never gonna learn to use the bathroom right. The kittens still don’t but Caitlyn likes to believe they do. Wait till we move the kitchen table. And even Olivia’s 6 year old dog still has accidents.
But yeah, she yelled at me when I said that. And it really hurt my feelings. I said the only one who is being impatient right now is you and walked away.
I’m really sensitive when I get yelled at. I don’t like yelling. It’s weird since I’ve been in quite a number of violent relationships in these past 5 years.
I guess you can also say that I’ve been really missing Caitlyn’s attention lately and this puppy isn’t helping that at all, not that I blame it. The last time Caitlyn fucked me, she was extremely tired and it sucked to be honest. And the other night when I went down on her, one of the kittens decided to really just, be in our way. And it just sucked. Even though she said it was amazing but she probably only said that to cheer me up. To be honest I really don’t like white lies. I don’t like lies at all but whatever I know she probably liked it a little
I’m just really upset okay. I’m fucking allowed to be. But I’m not going to be selfish and tell her, she’ll see whenever she reads this. This blog is how I vent. And I love all the animals and I’m really looking forward to these next few days, getting everything moved to the new place and hopefully everything STAYING CLEAN AND ORGANIZED AND TIDY, HOLY FUCK
But yeah, Caitlyn was supposed to be off at 5am and it’s 6:04 now so there’s that too.
But yeah. I also miss my mom. The holidays are coming up, the most joyous time of the year where everyone who’s suffered loss REALLY feels the loss of people who are missing.
But it’s been such a long time, I just wish I could say hey to her is all.
And the way my feelings have been hurt all day over yelling, really reminds me of how my mom would hurt my feelings, when she would get mad when I wouldn’t give her money for cigarettes.
I actually still have one of her folder thingys, idk wtf it’s called but in it, she has this poem, and the poem is basically about how you try so hard to be perfect at work and in front of others but then you don’t appreciate or realize someone who already believes you’re perfect, and the poem was about a daughter and her mom and it’s fucking adorable
And I wish Caitlyn would hurry home