I was bitchy today and I know I was.. I just woke up stressed about money. It’s just that time of the year but fortunately I’ve got mostly everything taken care of and the other stuff can wait and will be taken care of

I stress about money because it’s just what happens, it’s a good thing to be though. It pretty much stopped after Caitlyn gave me a letter i got in the mail from my dad, a Christmas card with $500 check. I wanted to cry. I called him right after to thank him. He means the fucking world to me, I haven’t seen him in going on TWO YEARS. I would’ve seen him in October but the show I was going to in NYC got postponed till April. And that’s the soonest I’m seeing him by.

I really fucking miss him. He does nothing but praise me. Growing up, I feel like all he did was punish me haha even though there were times he said I was smarter than my brother but ugh I just fucking wish I could see him. He’s my dad. Going to New York literally wouldn’t even be that bad, with two days off and a person to help me drive. I just don’t have anyone to help drive at the moment. Caitlyn would be my first choice but she’s busy I know.


I’ve been drinking and I’m about to smoke. My nightly routine. I’ve got the next two days off so the rest of the apartment should be DONE once I’m done with it lol I’m just gonna throw everything else in that storage out the back patio and if I need something then I’ll look for it because there is literally NO room in here. Two major things that suck about this place is closet space is VERY small and the cabinets are about all the way up as the Empire State Building and I can’t fucking reach anything, and then I feel like im drowning because I have no patience. thank god I can reach a damn fucking bowl for a bowl of cereal when I want one ugh lol whatever.

The carpet by our bedroom door is fucked up because Caitlyn left it closed for the cats to rip up (you can’t leave doors closed on cats… Especially bedrooms) because she locked spike in the room so she wouldn’t shit and piss on the futon for probably the 50th time… You can clean poop and pee but the carpet? Nope that’s never getting fixed. There goes the security deposit!!

She’s probably getting tired of cleaning all the shit and piss but the kittens that do it came from HER cat Oreo that she didn’t get spaded in time and it also comes from her puppy… If she really wants to ask for help cleaning up after them, (I’ve definitely soaked up some pee spots and sprayed and scrubbed them down +++ changed several puppy pads) then maybe she should’ve realized what the fuck she got herself into in the first place. If you can’t handle an animal, maybe you should fucking learn. Yes I allowed you to have what you wanted, NO that doesn’t mean I signed a damn contract to help you. Fuck that. I am forever a cat person. And that means I clean litter boxes, I always have!! But I’m not picking up shit from cats that don’t know how to learn. Fuck I just put $80 to get these 4 cats neutered/spaded + rabies shots and if I have to keep them outside after that, then I will! At least i fucking did that much.

I really fucking hope it’s not up to me to get this dog spaded…

Maybe this is like us in-training to have a child one day… I can definitely say I’ve learned and am STILL learning a lot about patience.

But id rather get shitfaced

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