ugh i need to update. last night pissed me off. nothing too bad but i still cried.

it’s just, my co-worker, one i actually like, drew this cute picture of a puppy. it was cute, and then i copied the way she drew a little and drew a tiny kitty next to it. IT WAS ADORABLE. and then this asshole i work with draws this tree with a rope attached and hangs my cat and murders it. I fucking cried. maybe i’m about to start my period soon or something BUT IT HURT MY FEELINGS. AND THEN HE PROCEEDED FOR LIKE A HALF HOUR TO TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH CATS SUCK. he said i was being too sensitive, like really? usually I’M the fucking bitch in situations. so that’s hilarious.

it just so happens i have a few cats that make my heart warm and UM CATS DON’T SUCK. AT ALL. AND ANYONE WHO THINKS DOGS ARE EVEN REMOTELY BETTER CAN TAKE THAT SHITTY OPINION AND GO FUCK THEMSELVES.

it really fucking hurts my feelings when people talk shit about cats and then praise the fuck out of dogs. want to know what Spike did yesterday?? Took a huge ass shit on the carpet, stepped in it and walked in EVERY room in the apartment. Dogs are better though right?? Spike CONSTANTLY harasses the cats, chases them around and plays rough with them. CATS DO NOT PLAY ROUGH. AT ALL. Cats need their space.Thank God i have a bunch of high posts for them to avoid Spike but Spike keeps getting bigger everyday. Spike walks into rooms sometimes like she’s a goddamn tornado. i don’t mind picking up after her a few times, but when i do it three times in a row in the span of 10 minutes, i lose my fucking patience fast.

and then caitlyn wrote this entry that she deleted today, basically listing the things that stress her out, OUR RELATIONSHIP being one of them, so that fucking hurt too. i mean i thought i was doing the opposite but i get that i can bring her down with me too sometimes. i mean to be honest, she really is the biggest thing in my life that eases my mind and heart. she deleted it though so i guess that’s a good thing, i don’t know.

i didn’t fall asleep till like 6am because i was up all night alone and miserable and crying.
then the maintenance people came over to install new windows. they’re really nice windows now. but it was like 930am so that sucked. i think they went out to lunch before they came in and then came back so that was nice to let us sleep more. it just sucks the world doesn’t revolve around people who work 2nd and 3rd shift jobs. not to mention, i didn’t know they were even coming today until i got home last night. like it was barely a 24 hour notice, rude as fuck. but thats maple oaks fault.

yesterday when that asshole killed my kitty in the picture, and i was really upset, this bitch calls to order and i asked what the name to put under the order was and she mumbled, so i said i’m sorry, can you spell that out for me and SHE RAISED HER VOICE AND GOT A TONE AND SPELLED IT OUT LIKE I WAS STUPID SO THAT REALLY DIDN’T HELP MY MOOD.

ON ANOTHER NOTE, I SAW A FUCKING COCKROACH CRAWL UP THE WALL LAST NIGHT SO IT’S SAFE TO SAY I’M FREAKED THE FUCK OUT CONSIDERING I HAVE A SHIT TON OF MYSTERIOUS ITCHY BUMPS. Never seen ANY spiders, it’s cold out so there’s NO mosquitoes, I’ve checked multiple times for bed bugs, i’ve checked all the animals for fleas, BUT NOPE, I KNOW NOW IT’S BECAUSE OF FUCKING COCKROACHES. I remember the first day moving in, there was a tiny one in the living room carpet.. I need to get a SHIT ton of traps because I’M NOT HAVING THIS.

THERE’S BEEN A GODDAMN COCKROACH CRAWLING ON ME AND BITING ME. FUCKING EW. I’m definitely NOT sleeping with the light off for a WHILE because they come out in the dark, fuck that. That’s another reason i was up late, i was trying to spot it again to kill it. As a matter of fact, it’s thanks to my BADASS WONDERFUL HUNTER CAT for helping me discover the fucking bug.

i wrote some stanzas last night though in my sadness, that was pretty sweet. i should do that more. it’s like i forgot how to do that, write hard and clear about what hurts. and making it poetic.

i should probably find something to clean bye

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