holy fuck, so much stuff.

alisa woke up today to blood gushing out her vagina in clots. she’s miscarried. she’s feeling suicidal. jimmy definitely wants nothing to do with her now. I’m relieved because fuck him. now she’s free and her life can go back to normal. i seriously thought he was so cool at first. sometimes i wonder if the reason he cheated was because he was cheated on in his last relationship (who apparently was his first love) and his last relationship, his ex got knocked up by a black guy. and then jimmy found out the baby wasn’t his and yeah. sometimes i wonder if when people go through things, they start treating others how they were treated. Like what goes around comes around.  maybe when people get in violent relationships, its because they were brought around violence before. it makes sense to me at least. it’s not an excuse by any means but maybe it’s just the cause. Because why else would this dickbag cheat on my friend who fucking deserves so much better.

we don’t know how alisa miscarried but she doesn’t want to know. jimmy blamed it on the cat litter, really? i guess apparently cat litter/cat piss can be really dangerous. BESIDES the fact jimmy did nothing but bring upon a fuck load of stress for alisa. i think it was the stress. i can’t remember the last time alisa was genuinely happy. besides going to the masque with all of us. i feel so fucking bad for her.

at least we can both get drunk on our birthdays now. we were both born may 22. so yeah she’s pretty much my friend for life. she just fucking gets me. she talked to caitlyn again when we were fighting and thats yet again why caitlyn and i are still together. caitlyn was born in may too but it was may 9th so caitlyns a taurus. alisa says our straight-up-ness is because we’re geminis lol. it makes me such an asshole though.. i swear if i could just get back into writing more or something i wouldn’t be like this. that’s not a guarantee though. i would probably be a lot more seclusive. and that sucks. because i already feel awkward enough. i would also have to drink a lot less because drinking just kills my urge to write or think. even if i haven’t been drinking. alcohol stays in your system and i drink too much for my body/brain to ever heal. i don’t even care. i can try, i mean i’m writing now. i’m also drinking now lmfao. i need to read more. i’ve been slacking since my book was destroyed but i already got a new one.i just need to make time..

Another new thing: Cody is moving in. He’s 18 and still in high school. All of caitlyn’s friends are from work. at least she makes friends though. Cody is a good kid though. His dad is in prison, i’m not sure what for, but cody gets checks for it, until he graduates. His mom LEFT him, to be with someone who just got out of prison, for being a rapist. That’s what caitlyn told me. So he was living with his sister. His bedroom was a basement. Caitlyn said it wasn’t even a finished one, just a basement and he had like nothing. Cody doesn’t have a license so he doesn’t have a car but he gets like almost $300 from his dad being in prison plus he works with caitlyn at mcdonalds. but i don’t want his money or anything for rent, if anything thats up to caitlyn. i’m not struggling. EXCEPT with spike. THANK GOD cody loves spike. it would be fan-fucking-tastical if he can help us take care of this dog so this freaking baby can get the love and attention she needs and deserves. Cody knows this so hopefully he can help make a change with my issue with her. I’m hoping.

I’m always the person who makes the most income and that’s pretty awesome on my part and as long as i’m not struggling, i don’t care. i feel bad asking alisa or cody to help pay for anything when they need money for themselves too. There’s other ways to help, without money. Caitlyn knows this and Alisa gets it and I’m pretty sure Cody will too. Living in a 2 bedroom apartment with 4 people and 8 animals, things get messy very easily. But with 4 people, keeping things tidy is actually pretty simple. As long as everyone gets it. I’m definitely a person who stresses it the most. Anyone who can’t handle it can be just like chris and get the fuck out. Chris was telling everyone that me and caitlyn were asking “too much” of him. TOO MUCH? he was living for free. hold on, let me laugh. nope, sorry, that wasn’t even funny. that is completely pathetic. I was appalled.

ANYWAY. my co-worker was telling me tonight about this cat he knew that acted “like a dog” because it came up to your face to lick you. um yeah sometimes cats do that when they’re happy. like, half my cats do that. my cat jack does it DAILY to me. like no, cats aren’t up in your face out of nowhere for no reason like dogs are but cats can be VERY affectionate and the fact they don’t do it at an annoying rate is actually why i prefer cats. that doesn’t mean they’re “acting like a dog” that is ridiculous. i seriously fucking hate the stereotype people have on cats, it drives me fucking crazy because I LOVE cats.

i have a cat circling me and purring now begging for my attention as i type this. rubbing against everything because he wants pets. i finally got all four kittens neutered/spaded three days ago. they were the kittens born june 1st, the day after caitlyn and i became an official couple lol there were 3 boys and 1 girl and for the past month and a half +, i’ve had the one female in a cage because i was afraid of her getting pregnant. she was actually in heat when they spaded her, they told me. the boys were spraying EVERYWHERE ,even on top of her cage, it’s been obnoxious. now that everyone’s fixed, i’m hoping this peeing thing STOPS. if it doesn’t, then i’m going to have to let them stay outside or something… i mean at least they’re fixed now. i’m hopeful that they’ll all behave better. but we’ll see. i won’t tolerate it.

Caitlyn and i need to set up Spike’s spaying appointment soon and i don’t want to have to wait till after she’s 6 months old like i did with the kittens. I just knew if i didn’t set the appointments up for the kittens that it was never going to happen so i did. Thankfully the humane society WANTS you to get your pets fixed so it’s hella cheap compared to a vet place. But i’ve heard that female dogs have periods?? thats fucking enough. spike pisses and shits everywhere, i don’t want to step in her blood too. I mean fuck… when i’m on my period, i feel pretty nasty. i’m know caitlyn does too. i can only imagine how nasty a dog will get lol….

wow look how long this blog is, i haven’t even smoked yet okay ew bye

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