i feel like i’ve been bummed out and depressed for such a long time
maybe it’s just the winter, maybe it’s just my selfish outlook
maybe things just really suck. not even suck, things are just. nothing.
nothing means anything to me. i haven’t worked on my writing in forever
maybe because my books are still in cody’s room and i’ve literally had no time at all.
any free time at the apartment needs to be spent giving the animals attention.
i don’t feel like i have any control. if i tried to have it, i just get buried.
caitlyn put marshall and shady outside and i’ve been hearing random meows outside the window. that makes me feel like a great person.
no, i’m a total scumbag.
i’m a loser. i’m really alone.
at the same time, i don’t want to let anyone in anymore.
nothing is worth it.
i don’t feel like i do the right thing all the time
i only do what i have the energy to do,
i always say with what feels honest,
even if someone doesn’t get it or is offended.
even when i have a chance to make something better,
it’s not even worth it. i don’t care enough.
i just want to give up.
my paycheck was so nice today.
but working all the time just gets me aggravated…
yet being home is just depressing…
i’m just a loser and i’m alone. thats all.