It’s 8am, haven’t slept, I’m tired but sleeping all day is gonna suck. I have off work and Caitlyn went to work at 7am and she’s off at 5 and has to go directly to school and won’t be home till probably 10

I’ll probably go to sleep here soon and then buy a 40 of king cobra when I wake up 😂my life

My dad actually called me at 12:07am July 1st. It’s bizarre because he’s never awake at that time. He goes to bed dumb early and wakes up dumb early. He told me he had taken a nap and was awake and just wanted to call me.

I missed the call at first, because Caitlyn had also just got home from work. I went downstairs to give her a hug. I had been drinking alone and crying and reblogging shit on tumblr because I’m pathetic but idc because crying really helps. 

But anyway, I called back and he told me he thought it was really cool the white house was in all rainbow colors. Lol we didn’t even really talk that much about mom.

It was just the weirdest thing because my mom literally died a little after midnight. And he called. It reminded me of how on Mother’s Day, I blogged because I felt like he had forgotten my mom. But then he calls yesterday during the moment she passed. I don’t know if he even realized it, he doesn’t really like to stay on the subject of her. He’s pretty out of it in general though. He just told me he was awake and felt like calling me. I don’t know if he even realized, maybe he did? Maybe.

I was scrolling through Facebook today and one of my aunts posted something for her too, it was nice to see. One of my other aunts, one I lived with, won’t even add me back on Facebook, I don’t know why. I mean fuck, I can’t be the only person who misses her and wants to fucking express it. My brother sure doesn’t. I don’t even know what or where my other half-brother Jesse is, I haven’t heard of him in YEARS, I don’t know how long. Both of his parents are dead now though, his dad died mad long ago before I was even born. Before my mom met my dad I’m assuming. Drug OD or something idk. My mom was into shit. 


I re-discovered Amber Pacific’s song called “Forever” and it REALLY helped me stop crying yesterday. I replayed it until Caitlyn got home. I have a playlist for songs that help me feel better when I’m thinking about her. 

Okay sleep cool bye

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