I saw the spill canvas Tuesday night and I am again tonight in Columbus. They were so great on Tuesday. Played One Fell Swoop from front to back – it was definitely emotional and I about cried during Self-Conclusion. The only songs they didn’t play from the album though was a full band version of The Tide and All Over You. They have so many great songs, it’s not even funny. The lyrics are beyond amazing and chilling in every single song. I want to write poetry like them, for real.

the latest, Gestalt, is absolutely addicting. To Chicago is completely inspiring and Chemicals really trips me out.

Live, they’re very entertaining and the singer seems so mentally deranged but it’s great because his craziness definitely comes through in the lyrics and the way he sings.

I bought a ticket to see bayside and the early November next month too. Caitlyn said she’d come with me but it doesn’t seem like she wants to be anywhere near me (same way I feel about her so that’s good, at least something is reciprocated) so I only bought one ticket.

I really want to make plans to move out next month. I can hire people to help move my shit or something. Since Caitlyn is getting that new job, hopefully she can just pay for this place on her own until she figures out what to do. Hopefully she’ll agree to sign me off the lease.

im really really sad to think I may never see or hear from her again, just like all my other ex’s. That really scares me. But I won’t be over her anytime soon and if/when I do see that day, there may not even be a point to talking to her anymore at all.

i never want to have to go through this ever again.

Also, I’m looking into support groups. I hope I find one soon. I think I would really like to hear about other people’s stories. I always really loved hearing honesty in people so I think I could feel really good about this. Sharing about myself is a totallyyyy different story, I’m shy as fuck. But whatever, I think it’s worth a try at this point.

i really wish I could decide if I should get a fucking haircut or not

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