There’s no point in being honest with her anymore because she lies to me. Being honest is what put me in the hospital. Otherwise I would’ve been able to go to work. I should’ve just went to work instead of worrying about her.

She’s still viewing this blog more than likely so she can use something against me. She only reads this completely towards her hunt to just hate me more, fuck me over more, anything for her benefit. There is no doubt in my mind anymore that she doesn’t care. It feels like she just pushed me off a cliff, or injected air into my veins.. I’m traumatized by what she’s doing to me.. 

As soon as I move out, I know angel will be moving in. I’m sure that dog collar downstairs was one of angels probably. Racheal and kala were the only other people here that had dogs. But ive never seen it until now.  The collar says Bella boo and I think they did have a dog named Bella at one point. I think. I don’t remember. It still could’ve been angels.

My head is thinking the worst. It always thinks the worst. I can’t help it. 

I don’t think I was this heartbroken over anyone since I moved to ohio. Maybe Britney, the girl I dated for barely a month, but that was different because she left my life quickly. 

Caitlyn isn’t going anywhere until I get out of here. 

This will be my 5th move in 5 years. I have so many doubts that I’ll ever feel happy anywhere anymore.. Since Caitlyn and her friends ripped me away from the apartment I was happy at… Before Caitlyn’s cat had kittens that shit and pissed everywhere…

I have to keep her number blocked because she always wants to start a fight, the way she texts, it’s just so degrading to me. I can’t handle it. She hates me. She’ll probably hate me forever. Or if she ever stops hating me, it’ll only be because she’ll forget me.

Fuck I need to stop. 

She’s the one who needs to apologize. I never broke her heart. She never even gave me her heart.. 

I seriously just want us to be able to compromise now but I guess what’s the point when she has no use for me anymore. She’s a liar, and liars and cheats don’t compromise. 

I was gonna spend the night with Allie/Alicia at their place but I’m guessing they just fell asleep :(.

I think I can spend the night tomorrow night at Chelsea’s again.  

It was so nice being at Chelsea’s. She was such a bad, unreliable worker but as a friend, Chelsea is one in a million. People who care are so important. I’m so glad she texted me the other day when she did.. She’s the only one I have right now..

I have to get around to buying a laptop charger since Caitlyn decided to take my new one from the new computer and the one from my old computer. She doesn’t even have a computer. She’s just an asshole to me and she thinks she’s done nothing wrong. 

She’s also taken the cord that hooks my busted computer up to the tv… Who knows what else she’s stolen.. As if my sanity and mental health wasn’t enough…

I feel so bad for spike…  Caitlyn really is the definition of an abusive pitbull owner.. Spike deserves SO much more.. Whatever.. When I leave, and she still has all the animals, I’m telling the landlord owners so she’ll be evicted in no time. The lady today even asked if she had a pitbull and I said yeah soo she’s a little fucked already. 

She feels so guilty, and she blames it on me, that I’m making her feel guilty, because you know, she didn’t do anything wrong or anything. 

Get a fucking conscience.

I should donate at biolife some time. Like a lot more. Because when I was at the hospital yesterday and they took my blood, silently I was like “yes please stab me” and honestly the pain felt nice. 

It’s so weird how needles used to make me cry every time and now I actually really want them. Everyone ALWAYS says I have great veins.

I just have to make sure I’m actually eating and keeping hydrated better so I don’t pass out.

Maybe this would be a great time in life to get a tattoo. 

I think it’s funny how her one blog post used to say how she needed to step her game up… Instead she gives up….

She’ll forget me. one day.

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