Canceled the renters insurance and changed my netflix password.

I spent the night at Chelsea’s last night and it was so much better than being here. Like always. If it wasn’t for Chelsea, I would have to spend every night here. She’s the only friend I have hung out with since Caitlyn broke up with me. I would still be very fucking unstable if it wasn’t for Chelsea. I think I should spend the night here tonight though, I’m gonna set an alarm and go to the new apartment place first thing to hand in the application and proof of income and the check if they’re ready to take it.

Ley slept over Chelsea’s last night too. I guess like everyone hates ley because ley allegedly cheated on Chelsea. I don’t know but they’re actually still pretty intimate with each other so that’s incredible.

There’s these 2 guys I work with, they’re both like 30 years old and married. The girls they’re both married to have cheated on them in the past.

How the fuck do people forgive that…

I’ve read somewhere how a relationship is just 2 people who specialize in forgiveness. There obviously must be a line to draw though.

I wonder if those 2 guys I work with are actually really happy with their wives. I don’t know. 

I really don’t know, or get it at all.

I’ve been told that Caitlyn is going to talk to a therapist finally who can help her with her gender identity sometime in late September.

I asked one friend of Caitlyn’s, who surprisingly doesn’t hate me, to keep me updated if she comes out as trans and he said he will but he doesn’t think she’s trans. But another friend of Caitlyn’s told me that Caitlyn thinks she might be. That would make MUCH MORE sense if Caitlyn felt that way. Because this whole bullshit that I didn’t support her was a complete load of ass crack. But if she really wanted to be a dude then it’s no wonder. Jesus fucking Christ it’s not like I only am attracted to lipstick dress wearing lesbians. In fact, I’m fucking not. But that’s her own insecurity she needs to figure out but fuck her for trying to put this down on me, like her messed up perspective is my fault.

We didn’t have sex for like all of July but it’s not that I didn’t want to, I just was NEVER in the mood for it. I really think it was just the stress of living in this fucked up apartment. And her lack of talking to me about anything. So yeah I guess I didn’t want to. It wasn’t her fault but she just never wanted to just talk. She just wanted sex but I just wanted communication. Fuck it. Now she’s just done with me.

 My therapist says nice things.  
 Caitlyn knows I was a very impatient person, but I really, really loved her. I thought our issues and differences weren’t as important as being with her.. I just wanted the stress to end.. I thought things would work out for us…
Caitlyn’s friend Beth hates me, I’m pretty sure Steph hates me or is at least mad at me (she still follows my snapchat and hasn’t unfriended me on Facebook) and Caitlyn’s dad has unfriended me on Facebook.

Stephs only pissed because of what I’ve done to Caitlyn’s corkboard so maybe she’ll get over it. Caitlyn’s dad is probaby just supporting Caitlyn. Caitlyn’s mom hasn’t deleted me or said anything to me… yet… idk… One of Caitlyn’s friends in PA asked if I was okay….

Ley asked last night what me and Caitlyn even saw in angel because honestly angel is very unattractive but I really think the only thing good about angel is that she’s comforting, like I’m pretty sure when I dated angel 5 years ago, I really just wanted to get the fuck out of ohio and live on my own and I definitely wasn’t as secure of myself as I am now.

Caitlyn’s an easy victim for angel because of how insecure she is. And how much she’s craving for acceptance and attention. 

But whatever I need to go to work. I really need new fucking shoes too omfg

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