Literally 2 weeks before she broke up with me. It still doesn’t make sense.

I love how I’m such an asshole now.

Half of me just wants to write all the things I loved and miss about her and the other half of me just wants to remind myself why I need to let her go.

I know she’s just doing what she needs to do to get over me, even though it’s just a fog of BS. Like all she’s got against me is her corkboard but yet I told her MYSELF what I had done and I apologized and I think that alone takes guts. So she and her “friends” can call me childish all they want. Pretty sure normal children don’t play with fire as much as I do. Pathetic that she had to announce and post that shit on Facebook, I swear I KNEW she was just seeking attention. I was devastated and unstable and destructive. She left me alone to deal with everything all by myself. She can’t even face me by herself because I make her feel “guilty” like that’s my fault. Everyone says she’ll miss me and want me back. But I never ever want to go back to her chaos, that I used to feel was so worth it.. I really hope she does miss me and want me back. But she’d rather hate me. And blame everything on me. 

I was so much better before I met her.

But now it sits in the back of my mind how unworthy I am all because I actually communicated in our relationship and that I was longing for a clean, stable home.

She literally told me she loved me the day before we broke up. I know she was unhappy with herself but there was no indicator that she was unhappy with me. Or I was just blind with love. Everything about us filled me with hope. Even with our worst fights, I didn’t have doubt in her. There were times I challenged her, only because I wanted her to improve as a person. I really did have faith and belief in her.. I don’t know if I was always the greatest at showing it. I only hoped she felt the same way I did. But she claims it’s my fault that she was insecure and bitter. All I fucking did was tell her everyday how pretty she was and love her and work to pay bills and I took her places that angel never even fucking knew about.
She talked soooo much shit about angel…

All you have to say is that I’m not enough and you want something else. You don’t have to dump your shittyness on me.

She literally walked me into hell and then left me here to dwell.

I don’t know who she is anymore. But everything’s my fault isn’t it.

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