Lowkey my arms are gettin real tired of coming here…
The extra cash with how broke I’ve been is so nice though.. It’s worth it as long as I have an experienced needle poker who doesn’t make it sting so much
Lowkey probably not gonna buy another pack of cigarettes. I’ve been having so so SO much anxiety lately and it’s driving me nuts
For example last night Tia said in a message that we shouldn’t have sex because she feels like it’s all we do anymore (it’s really not, she doesn’t fuck me and I only fuck her for like 10-15 minutes late at night when everyone has fallen asleep in the bedroom. We always sit away from each other usually around everyone else)
So you know, I wasn’t going to. Honestly I tried to not even hold hands or kiss her. Usually 98% of the time, I am the one who comes onto her. She like never makes the first move. She finally came over to cuddle with me where I was on the couch only because she told me to go to her but I told her I was comfy and she said she was very cozy too where she was and I said yeah it’s not worth it and that made her come to me 😹 and us being alone and close to each other just always leads to more. I didn’t even really want to but seriously SHE wanted it and I even reminded her what she said but she said she changed her mind.
Then after we were done, she jokingly said it didn’t happen. I know she was joking but I freaked out in my head.
I’m so sick of freaking out over the smallest things. I’m either thinking too much about the past, worried as fuck about the future and I’m NOT enjoying the present moment enough.
I’m just gonna blame cigarettes and try to stop. I’ll wind up mooching off everyone probably but oh well. Tia said she’s gonna try to quit drinking soda so much too and she’s gonna stock up on Gatorade lol
I THINK TOMORROW WE’RE FOR REAL HAVING A FIRE AT CHANCE’S. I HOPE SO.
I need to do a little shopping tonight. And probaby some cleaning
Ugh open – close tomorrow
I’m so getting high after shopping and smoking that clip Erica gave me