When I got home from the misfit apartment this afternoon, I cried, like bawled for probably like a half hour or 40 minutes or something. It felt horrible but I do feel a little better.

The smallest little chore I need to do, like sweeping the litter in the kitchen floor or doing dishes, it’s not supposed to but it makes me feel so worthless. Makes no sense.

Crying really helped. It scared the fuck out of me though. It just hurts so bad when you cry, like actually really cry.

I went to this train track area to gather some wood for a fire tonight at the hillman house. Shay even showed me last night this fire color changer thing she got. I’m excited.

I was really content being at the train tracks. The endlessness of it is calming. Train tracks remind me of beacon a little. Beacon never had any trains though and the ohio trains are just annoying.

Tia and I are just friends again, like for real this time. We’re both relieved because honestly shit between us just felt too shallow and it really doesn’t help either of us. She said she does still like me, but I guess that doesn’t mean it’ll ever mean anything.

I don’t know if it’s really happening yet but I know Erica and Tia both really want to move in with Casey. Casey is super cool, definitely love her, it only sucks that she lives like an hour away in Springfield. Her place is SO nice though, and she lives alone and really wants roommates. 

I’d really miss Tia and Erica only being 5 minutes away from me… Who knows what they’re even doing. No joke Erica has a problem deciding who she even wants. She told me before that she was in love with Kenzie, always had a connection with Shay, but she also says how Casey is perfect. One thing that’s cute but freaks me out is she says that Casey is like the girl she’s be waiting for that her mom sent to her… Hah I’ve definitely been in that situation. Wishing my mom would direct me to someone perfect for me. I even wrote about it in a poem once “I’ve searched so much for an angel, her spirit, only to stumble upon these failed excuses and finally realize her entity is still a part of me”

Even if Tia and Erica do move an hour away, I still have Angela, Chance, Shay and Mary. I’ll be fine. I guess.

One thing that really put me back in a better mood though was I was reading 23 quick short experience stories of people who messed with ouija boards before and honestly it got me so hyped. Even if some of them are fake or whatever, i just really love ghost hunting. It’s just a thrill I can’t explain.

Casey says there’s a little girl entity living at her place and I would really like to know a story behind that and maybe some interaction?? Casey has an ouija board!

I’m not gonna let my depressingly crushing debt stop me from hunting for a couch and coffee table for my apartment. Or concerts.

Fuck that. I already got tickets to see The Story So Far November 1st in Columbus; Man Overboard + A Loss For Words November 3rd in columbus; Silverstein/Senses Fail December 15th in Cincinnati 

I just need to get Beartooth tickets December 18th in Columbus.

I’m just gonna pay like only $5 every check towards the hospital bills.. I’ll get through it.. Eventually..

What else is funny, maple oaks called me today asking if I was moving out because the lease ends November 30th there… Like wow really I signed the papers and left them for Caitlyn and she clearly never turned them in if she even signed them at all…

I doubt she even lives there anymore herself, who knows with her dumbass anymore.

Silverstein – Continual Condition

Silverstein – In The Dark

Silverstein – Je Me Souviens

^jams

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