I didn’t sleep well last night att allll

I had a really bad night at work because Tia has an issue with being wrong, ever, at all, a lottttttt.

What started it all is I was just talking about how Trump is scary and I’m not interested in experiencing 1930s Germany here in the US. Hitler’s reign. Tia corrected me and said “1940s”

I googled it because it made me question myself but I wasn’t wrong at all. I showed Tia my phone and how it said 1934 and 1935 when shit started. Hitler’s reign. 1940s wasn’t wrong either but I mean she felt the need to correct me.

She replied with “ok? So?” And asked why I was making a big deal about it.

I really didn’t feel I was, I just wanted to show her because I mean, SHE was the one that corrected ME??

I think a better response that I was hoping for was like “oops” or “my bad” or anything at all to indicate there has been a realization that there was truly no need to correct me in the first place. 

It just bothered me. I guess that was wrong.

But THERES THAT

and then

I started the work shift off irritated anyway because the openers haven’t been rotating food and I’m a person that’s huge on food loss. More than the freaking GM herself. Maybe it’s slight OCD, maybe I just feel better knowing food is rotated so older stuff doesn’t expire.

I had to throw away 3-4 bags of marinara because they weren’t filling new buckets with the new bags, just pouring the new bags over old shit (instead of scraping old shit into new shit) causing it to fucking smell bad and be gross to use. 

It upset me. I just thought that rotating in a food place is basic knowledge.

But yeah BESIDES THAT

Tia thinks I fucking attack her and no one else because I catch her making mistakes a lot.

I mean, maybe it’s because she’s like, my roommate, my best friend, I’m around her more, I helped her get this job so I feel obligated to be watching her more, anything 

No I just want to tear her down.

It fucking hurt,I feel fucking crazy.

After that shit I showed her from my phone about hitler’s reign, she later on fucking denied she even said “1940s”

So yeah, I feel fucking crazy now.

I’ve been dealing with hella anxiety all night. She triggered me really bad and it sucks and if she reads this, I don’t think she’ll be happy. 

It’s weird because last night she literally was telling me all these things about me that iiiiiiiii actually feel about her.
A couple of months ago, I was feeling crappy and was talking about therapy and she encouraged it. She supported me.

A couple days ago, she was talking about getting health insurance so she could get therapy. Last night I brought it up to her that I thought it would be helpful for her. Then. She. Says. That I have no right to say that to her. That I don’t know her. She said I don’t fucking know her.

Fact is, she’s shared much about her life with me than I have about mine with her. Much more. She even admits that! And when I reminded her of that, she apologizes sarcastically like I’m blaming her for anything.

Dealing with mental instability is so exhausting. All I can say is my anxiety is through the fucking roof now and I should probably talk to other friends and establish some much needed space between us but I am very much in a state of struggle right now.

I bought myself two tea mugs last night to cheer myself up. I need food now… 

My self esteem is really bad.

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