i think i need my page to be private so i can openly talk about the chaos and stress that’s plaguing me.

i literally almost made myself cry while at work because i was scared i had an std. a life threatening std. i was embarrassed and ashamed of myself. and terrified i was going to die because of something wrong with my vagina area, like my mom has. i honestly wouldn’t be surprised if something like it happened.

i don’t really have any reason to believe i have any stds. i thought i may have had something like herpes but idk anymore.. i also read how some stds don’t even show symptoms so that made me hella paranoid. i probably should still get tested but i don’t know what for. i really should just see how my shit is after i’m done with the creme medicine i’ve been taking. hopefully i’m okay. that medicine was like $90 so i really fucking hope so

i need to go back to biolife so bad. i’m on the edge financially and it’s really uncomfortable. it’s depressing. speaking of the devil (depression) tia is having a bad night tonight and i’m honestly useless when it comes to helping anyone ever.

i wish i could mean something. somewhere. to someone.

honestly if i didn’t have my hopes, i’d be so fucked.

i’m worried things are gonna fuck up but i have to remember where i am and just keep going forward.

i think i’ve noticed something for a while but it’s really weird and i don’t understand why. besides having a difficult time making friends, it seems like i give off the wrong impression to people somehow. a lot of times when i’ve had someone who was my best friend, people would think there was a thing between us even when there was never anything. even now, when i try to make a new friend, i guess it’s just weird for me….

why am i so weird.

everything’s so intense when you’re high.

i wonder if i lay down , if i’ll actually let myself sleep.

 

 

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