it slightly upsets me that angela lied to me. i mean she doesn’t talk to me much so there wasn’t much for me to know so when she asked if i could watch her cats for a week,

turns out “a week” looks like it could mean months.

(i’ve had someone borrow money from me for “a week” and it’s going on 6 years, hah.)((I guess i’m just a fucking idiot))

she hasn’t offered any food, litter or money. obviously i’m going to confront her .

no one really fucking talks to me but always has me to ask for favors, it’s fuckng bs. its upsetting because i don’t fucking have anyone.

tia is considering moving in with angela but angela hasn’t come to her about any decent places yet. tia just wants her own room. it’s funny though because tia didn’t have her own room when she was living with angela before me and we already tried looking for 2 bedrooms and they’re all too expensive for her half. i can afford it. but tia is nervous about it because she wants a car too and doesn’t know if she can handle the rent expense on top of car payments.

apparently when i run out of ideas for places, that’s the equivalent to me giving up. WHERE WERE HER IDEAS?????????????????????????????? SHE WAS THE ONE WITH THE ISSUES.

but now she considers moving somewhere with angela? why don’t we just make rent easier for all of us and invite me????? no??????? the only concern i’d have with angela is her ridiculous cleaning habits. honestly why the hell would i want to live with someone 5 years younger than me anyway. i know exactly how it will turn out. i remember the traumatic relationships i had with people last year very, very well.

but no one knows or cares about it. no one really gives a shit about me. one day i’ll get used to it and be numb. hopefully. if i don’t become numb, i’ll be fucked because I HAVE TO GET USED TO BEING ALONE. no one ever really wants me around.

no one’s fucking responsible like i am. no one is fucking reliable like i am. no one has been through what i’ve been through.

i hate being fucking looked down on. i deserve fucking better than that. i fucking deserve respect. all i ever do is fucking help. i never demean anyone, although tia wants to claim that i do it all the time. apparently i did it just now when i told her a studio apartment would be more expensive than splitting a 2 bedroom. IT’S A FACT. IT’S NOT DISRESPECTING YOU.

WHAT THE FUCK. honestly, the fact that she thinks i’m demeaning her, IS DEMEANING ME. BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE DOESN’T BELIEVE ME. IT MEANS SHE DOESN’T TRUST ME.

SHE’S FUCKING INSECURE. AND she even admits she’s going through a period of manic depression and god do i love it when she tells me i have no idea what it’s fucking like.

nope, can’t recall ever wanting to fucking end my life.

hmmm I ONLY HAVE LIKE 5 NOTEBOOKS WITH SO MANY WORDS ABOUT IT.

whatever. i’m tired. this is why my blog is private.

no one cares.

 

 

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