i’ve made my page private and i’ve also stopped updating as much.
lame of me.

whats new.. i got this lavendar and chamomile tea that i’ve been drinking every night
tbh i’m kinda hoping it’ll help me in the long run. i just feel like i’ve been freaking myself out lately. i got some other teas that should come in the mail soon from teavana. they’re calming, winding down ones. i’m kinda over being caffeinated. i just don’t need to be. my energy is not something that sucks.

in fact, the past couple of times i’ve been to biolife, i actually feel like it kinda hurts my heart? like it just feels overworked. not good. i actually made them pull the needle out a little early on tuesday, i had some crazy fucking anxiety going on. it was just awful. me tia and lacey went to a park afterwards and i sat by running water for like an hour. there was also something about the fields of grass that just calmed me down too. i really, really love parks. i don’t know if that’s an actual thing that helps anybody or if maybe parks just remind me of teenage years with my Nobodies.

things are going pretty well still with this girl i’m talking too.. it’s been like 2 weeks. hopefully things go well for like ever, haha. she really makes me feel good about myself though. NOT that i need someone to make me feel good about myself. not at all. i feel like people i engage with in my life though seem to do the opposite…

i don’t need to be dragged down by anyone anymore. i’ve become content being alone. i can just find more people to talk to. tia is moving out to live with angela again. she’ll have her own room this time i guess. it will be her, angela and sam. angela and sam are dating and apparently they’ve been fighting often recently. i hope tia has fun being a 3rd wheel a lot. and who knows if angela’s cleaning habits have ever improved. whatever though.

i’m only worried about bills honestly. i will be so much happier otherwise. i will feel a lot better mentally when tia leaves. she’s been bugging me out A LOT. i try not to let it get to me. i think she’s upset with me because we’ve fucked and never dated. it’s really not ALL my fault though that things happened between us. and i was going to ask her out earlier this year.. but she killed the moment. she killed my feelings too so thankfully we never were anything more than friends.

wow my cat just killed a mouse. i heard her from inside, my window is open. i heard it squealing. i went outside and saw her fucking with it.

she didn’t hurt it, it didn’t seem. it just looked like it was scared to death

she’s so proud of herself right now. i am not happy.

who knows, what if she would’ve tried eating it? that’s fucking horrible.

lacey and tia seriously need to fucking watch her more so she doesn’t go outside. i’m kinda unhappy about it.

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