hardcore truth is

is if my mom were still here

i would still be in new york right now

or at the very least moved back already

no fucking doubt about it

i could live with her. and we would be there for each other. no fucking doubt about it. that pisses me off so much knowing that.

i need to not, ha. but her sister died two days ago. my aunt chrissy. she lived to be 68 at least. 6 years older than my mom but lived 15 years longer.

and i wish i was fucking there. i’m so mad at myself. henry died. my aunt died. i need people to please stop fucking dying.

i mean at least it’s not my dad or grandma. or like my aunt sue, judy, or mary. or any of my close cousins or closer friends. but still.

that’s just me, always trying to make things seem lighter for myself

 

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