i’m on a good direction in life, a better one. it’s slow but it’s so much better.

i have issues and i need to resolve them. they’re minor but minor issues get bigger when they’re ignored. going to the dentist on the 14th. i think i might just need a cleaning but who knows. it’ll be good to go. and i have dental insurance now thanks to fedex.

i also have a small little bald spot on the right side of my head.. it’s literally affecting my life. i’m always scratching and picking more than once a day, and sometimes it adds up to hours and it’s just, not healthy. i really need to figure out why i do this. i’ve actually had 2 spots on my head in the past but they went away but yeah it’s back in one spot and it’s like, the size of a penny.  maybe psoriasis (the only spot on my whole body) or maybe anxiety, maybe both but i’m going to get it figured out. now that i have lovely insurance and a lovely income.l

it was nice temperatures the past couple days and next weekend will be too.

NY has had hella snow, i see it in the pictures of my friends. it may be cold and bitterly miserable there but god there is so much love for my life there. all the love in my life is in NY. i don’t think i’ll move this september, maybe if i’m feeling really crazy by summer, i could. but i might stick around till at least 2018.

i’m pretty impulsive. i’m extremely impulsive. i’ve been watching a tv show called Crazy Ex Girlfriend that i horribly relate with at some parts. i always felt like tv shows can really take the hours of your life away but it’s really not so bad if it’s a show that helps you learn. Sure, there’s a stigma that books are for smart people and they are but tv shows can open your eyes to some things too. it really just depends on every story/plot line.

i’m thinking today that i need to be 100% sober for maybe like a whole month, lol. i mean i just really am having too much conflict than i’d like to deal with just getting weed. it would be a lovely, lovely world if i could just go to the fucking gas station and buy myself an O but no, i have to rely on a shady, always sketchy, unreliable drug deal and i’m at a point in my life that it’s getting very annoying. Very. And it fucking sucks. like i love weed. my last O lasted me 6 months. i’m not a chronic smoker but it’s quite lovely to have. and i like the thoughts and feelings that provoke inside me when i’m stoned. and i can’t drink if i don’t have weed because i always am dying to smoke after i’ve been drinking. and honestly i’ve been feeling like i’ve gained 20lbs and i might be developing some sort of beer gut and even worse random sharp internal pains and i’ve looked it up multiple times and it only makes me think of how often and how heavy i’ve drank in my life.

i’ve been wanting to wrap myself into writing more but i’m easily distracted.

 

i’ll figure something out

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