I bought a bottle of 15 mg each of CBD oil and I’m intrigued to see what long term effect it’ll have on me. I plan on taking one pill every night before bed.

I also bought a vape pen with liquid that has hemp oil in it. I’m so in love with it because yes it’s cool af.

Both these products so far make me very relaxed and sleepy and I passed out last night before I actually wanted to lol. But I’m glad that it helps me sleep. I bought so much fucking tea for sleep aid but a lot of times, it’s not enough

I also smoked the last cigarette of a pack I bought recently and I do not want to buy another one. Yes it’s disgusting and I really do actually hate it. I compare it to cutting and I even have done that too. I’ve been fucked up. There was just something about the temporary relief of a cigarette that helps me feel not alone, that’s why I started after Caitlyn broke up with me too. And there’s something about the temporary relief of a cut that I inflict that makes me feel like I’m getting the pain I deserve.

It’s very fucked up. My self esteem is not phenomenal. I need to do things to take care of myself. I need to quit beating myself up and focus on my accomplishments and the good I’ve done. 

I mean, I know I’m not the worst person in the world. But I’ve had some stupid ass shit said to me by people I, once upon a time, genuinely cared about and thought genuinely cared about me…. it’s gotten to me. 

And now, I’ve finally learned how to be careful with other humans. 

I’m also hoping this CBD/hemp stuff helps me stop pulling my hair out and picking at my head. I don’t know if this is psoriasis or anxiety or both or what.

I’ve actually had this issue for more than a decade. I started scratching my head, I guess because of dandruff, when I was 11. And I’ve used head and shoulders and still using moisturizing shampoos and conditioners, and I’ve tried showering only 2-3 times a week and showering everyday but nothing stops me from having that urge to scratch. It actually takes time away from me. Because I will stop everything I’m doing to rip dead skin off my head that I feel. One thing that has helped is wearing a hat or beanie. I actually used to have 2 spots but now I currently have this one 

If this doesn’t work, (because now I’ll be officially out of ideas and CBD/Hemp is apparently supposed to help treat this) then I’ll definitely go to the dermatologist. 

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