belinda brought up the idea a few weeks ago about moving in with her and nick somewhere in beacon and she keeps saying she’ll talk about it with nick but she still hasn’t, i really dont see how or why it would take this long to initiate that conversation, at least just to let him be informed. i could easily just message him on facebook or snapchat but it’s belinda’s idea and i don’t want to seem intrusive or inviting myself. i could though, no hard feelings about it but idk.

my only other plan is to move to albany, if i don’t wind up living with them in beacon. i’ve calculated bills to the maximum. it worries me, even when i tried to be realistic with what i’d be spending.

neither dominos or fedex transfers. i’m sure i’d get a job quickly but it still worries me.. moving out of state without a job is fucking crazy. but i’d figure i’d just take out a loan.

it really makes me feel uncomfortable, especially with how well i’m finally doing, but i don’t want to let money be the reason i stay out here. yet i also know to not fantasizeĀ that things will magically get better if i move back to new york. feeling alone is never going to go away for me. i’ve re-read all my old writing. it’s something i will always feel.

but in new york, at least there ARE people who i’ve had genuine good times with. at least there are people that do have the capability to take it away…

i need to clean

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