My very first boss, Helanna, who hired me countless times with Green Teen has fucking cancer. breast cancer. it’s bullshit!!

she was diagnosed in january. i’ve just bought her some cbd stuff just like i did with belinda.

i can only hope the results for helanna will be the same like they have been for belinda.

helannas been such a huge influence, and she still has 2 kids, extremely young and they shouldnt lose their mom yet. FUCK that.

i still miss my mom all the time…. so much….

fedex has been getting pretty crazy lately, just taking in a lot of new information, learning all the time.

i’m going to be working solo on saturday mornings starting june and i’m worried. i used to go to prides every saturdays and i already stated i wanted every saturday in june off but i’m re-thinking it considering i dont have friends and i dont want to run into ex-friends. i’m not young anymore. this job is important to me anyway

i might just go to indianapolis and/or cincinnati. i really would much rather just go to NYC.

but dispatching is so difficult to learn, scheduling drivers and shit, its fucking weird.

i’ve got a hand full of reasons to visit NY this summer… it’s quite dire.

i talked to jesse again today!!! he’s got a job as a waiter so thats awesome!! i guess he gets kicked out every morning at 8am at his shelter and he can’t go back till a certain time either. i hope he gets some money saved up and figures something out, heck maybe me and him could even roommate together. but i guess that would be like moving in with a stranger. idk.

i mean he’s spent something like 20 years total in prison… not all at the same time but for re-offending… i really hope he can maintain life outside now…. i kinda wonder if mom made it hard on him, i dont know if she ever believed in him so much 😦 idk but i remember her talking in her sleep one time about me “turning out like jesse” like he was disgraceful. i know she was very disappointed in him, but i also don’t know if he was brought up the best either to be fair.. i hope me and him can have a really in depth talk one day. it would be nice to understand things more.

ugh crazy shit. crazy life.

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