I can’t fucking process this.

I heard the way she was talking and it made me nervous. I want to be able to keep the house in good condition as I get older. I do want this to be my home. 

I need to talk to my dad about what kevin said. He said he wanted to sell it eventually. I hope he gives me a chance here. It’s all paid off, but it’s been a battle home for longer than just grandma and dad. 

I know grandma doesn’t believe in me, but not everything has to stay the way she wants it. 

Leaving was so much easier 7 years ago.

Leaving is not going to be easy now.

I hate the way my dad talks sometimes. He literally told me that he believes my mom was always a crack user up until she died. I don’t like visiting her grave with him.

My dad said that the next time I come back to NY, shes gonna be gone. He said during winter time also that she has only one more winter left. He even said that sometimes he wishes she was dead already. He says that when she dies, I can come back. I told him I don’t want to wait for another funeral to come back but the way he talks just freaks me out.

Her being dead to be the reason I come back to NY will NOT be a good reason to move back to NY. That shit will make me fucking miserable.

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