for how wasted I got on Sunday
I spent ALL day Monday recovering, even going back to work on Tuesday, I still felt so slow.
Monday I must’ve only been awake for 6 or 7 hours total. I slept it all away.
But it’s just how I got. I don’t remember saying bye to my friend. I don’t even remember flint eastwoods performance or meeting her and taking the picture we did. The only thing I do remember is going back to her and asking her if I gave her the note and she said yeah but I don’t remember anything. I don’t remember walking the 3-4 blocks back to my car. I don’t remember how long I spent trying to sleep in it or sleeping at all. I barely remember driving home, and also going to mcdonalds. I took an extra $60 out of the ATM , for what reason, I don’t know. I must’ve spent like $100 on that vodka drink that girl kept making me.
How the fuck did I make it back home? In one piece? Without a dui? Without killing someone or myself? I should probably keep extra blankets and pillows in my trunk in case I do shit like this.. I was smart when I saw off with their heads in Lexington, I brought a pillow in the car and passed out till 2pm next day.. I’m usually smart by getting hotel rooms and catching Uber’s but I was not smart Sunday night…
Earlier that day I was really upset. Really upset. For some reason it just started off bad for what seems like no apparent reason. I had coffee for the first time in a while and then Wendy’s for lunch and I tried to blame that combination. But I just started getting lost in dark thoughts.
My moms birthday was the 23rd (Saturday) I spent that entire day working both jobs. I was distracted the entire day. Sunday the 24th, I couldn’t be distracted by work. Sunday I couldn’t help but remember the day that passed yesterday by as nothing happened. Nothing I could’ve done, nothing that meant anything to anyone. Her birthday is always such a hard day every year.
But yeah, I was upset and staring into space and getting images and sounds in my head of the pain she went through, and it really fucked with me.
I went to the show alone, lisa showed up like an hour after doors opened and I drank the entire time.
Idk. I need to do better and be better to myself. It can be difficult when I’m hurting like that , I just want to eliminate those feelings and thoughts and I literally don’t know how to get it out and get it out quickly.
At least I’m not getting wasted like that alone anymore. That shit got weird and ugly.
I’ll be okay. I can take care of myself.